Beware Healthcare!

Jesus came to me last night in a dream, and told me that I need to speak out against the healthcare bill currently being debated in Congress.

According to Jesus, if the Democrats are able to pass this bill, it will have very dire consequences for our nation! If fact, if I read my Leviticus properly, it will be one of the early signs of Armageddon ("FOR God wept at the sight of so many healthy people with access to MRIs")

Our heavenly father did not want his people to have access to health care, otherwise, why would He have created the plague? Measles, leprosy and swine flu are so obviously part of his greater plan for humanity – something we should never question! We should be grateful for such a wide variety of disease, and not waste our efforts on trying to cure the sick!

Now I know some smart mouth is going to bring up in the comments that Jesus himself cured the sick and helped the lame to walk. But what the Bible leaves out (lack of space, most assuredly) is that Jesus charged mightily for his miracles. By today's standards, our saviour would have charged somewhere around $232,569.00 to heal the blind. More if the patient needed to stay overnight or eat.

Trust me and Jesus, if healthcare passes, you and everyone that you love will DIE... someday.

Wake Up America!

Since I've been in prison these past four years, I haven't been keeping up much with the news. I'm sure George W. Bush is triumphantly finishing his last term, stuffed with noble accomplishments. And I'm sure that John McCain will be an able president in these times of peace and prosperity. 

But I've been reading some nonsense about this Vice Presidential Sarah Palin woman and her church, Wasalia Assembly of God. Now I'm confident that Palin has been thoroughly vetted by McCain and the Republicans, and they've been through everything but her underwear drawer, but it bothers me that she belongs to such a loony church. 

Let me explain. According to this article in Raw Story (I was trying to root out sin, and was completely thrown by the URL), Palin's church believes that the world's refuge after Armageddon will be in Alaska! At first, I thought they were joking, or trying to throw post-Armageddon mutants off their trail, but now I think they truly believe it. 

Of course, anyone with an advanced Doctorate in Biblical Interpretation will tell you that the REAL location of the post-Apocalyptic refuge will be in Nevada. Heck, I built my Spiritual Bunkers in an undisclosed, secret location in the desert there for a reason! After the last great war, as foretold in the Bible, it will be hard to breathe the air, as the sky will probably still be on fire. So of course, men will have to live under the Earth for a few hundred years. Alaska's ground is permanently frozen, so how will humans tunnel? 

If you see Sarah Palin campaigning around this great land, you ask her for Rev. Hugh. Ask her, "Sarah, many scientists and biblical scholars disagree with your church's view that Alaska, and not Nevada, will be a post-Apocalyptic refuge, and if this preposterous theory is true, how do you expect humans to tunnel in frozen Alaskan soil? 

Let's see what she has to say...