Announcing the Most Revolutionary BJ Service Ever.

On Rev. Hugh's Facebook page, I recently mentioned that with close and proper reading, the Bible predicted the mortgage industry collapse. It's true, I have been warning about this for years, but the liberal media has turned a deaf ear because of all the advertising dollars they receive from "Big Mortgage". But I'm getting off track.

The truth is, almost anything can be found in the Bible - from predictions about calamity to the rise of Satan in the form of a humble seal trainer. Of course, this requires an intimate familiarity with each page and verse, and a sharp mind - such as my own - skilled in biblical interpretation and justification. 

In my years of study, I have found passages that would make it seem like any virtuous Christian would, or rather, should abandon his mother-in-law in the middle of the night on a deserted stretch of highway in the Florida Everglades. Bleeding. 

There are Biblical verses that permit a Christian to feed whiskey to an infant, assault a woman for wearing pants, bilk consumers out of millions in retirement savings, and eat rib eye steak for breakfast with a spoon. I have all this useful knowledge at the tip of my fingertips, and now I am offering you an opportunity to benefit from my encyclopedic brain and idle hands as I serve out the remainder of my sentence as a mistreated political prisoner.

For just $39.99 a month, Rev. Hugh's Bibilical Justification Service (BJS) will provide you with the most timely, and iron-clad reasons why you can or cannot do something or nothing. Past examples of my work include: 

• Finding verses that support war with Iran, Iraq and/or Malta
  
• Reasons why giving women the right to equal pay is un-Christian
  
• Sixteen justifications for overstating losses on tax documents when filing your annual earnings report on overseas investments (also in Leviticus).
  
• And more!
  

And if you are one of the first thousand subscribers, I will also throw in a special bonus gift. I have personally discovered twenty five brand new biblically-biased justifications which support discrimination against the Irish when renting carpeted apartments. 

Act now. Please.